The following are all real quotes collected from the science exams of elementary school students:

• Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin.
• Oxygin is pure gin; Hydrogin is gin and water.
• Some Oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.
• Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because its not found in a free state.
• When you breath you inspire. When you do not breath you expire.
• Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
• The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
• The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins this fight.
• Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they are here.
• Vacuum: A large open space where the pope lives
• Magnet: Something you find crawling over a dead cat.
• Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.
• A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind where it wants to go.
• Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
• We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
• To most people solutions means finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still mixed up.
• I'm not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it and that is the important thing.