* If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence that you tried.

* A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

* Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

* For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism

* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

* To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

* Two wrongs are only the beginning.

* You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

* The problem with the gene pool is there is no lifeguard.

* Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

* The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up.

* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

* If you must chose between two evils...pick the one you haven't tried before.

* Change is inevitable...except from vending machines.

* Drugs may lead nowhere, but at least it is a scenic route.

* I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

* Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.

* Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.

* Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

* Hard work pays off in the future, but laziness pays off now.

* Eagles may soar but weasels are sucked into jet engines.

* Borrow money from pessimists, they don't expect it back.

* 99% of lawyers give the rest of them a bad name.

* 42.7 % of all statistics are made up on the spot.

* A conscience is what hurts when the rest of you feels sooo good.

* If at first you don't succeed...then skydiving isn't for you.