a. Your potted plants stay alive.
b. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
c. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
d. 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
e. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
f. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.
g. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and 
breakup.
h. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
i. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
j. You're the one calling the police because those darn kids 
next door don't know how to turn down the stereo.
k. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
l. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
m. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
n. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's.
o. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
p. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 pm
q. Dinner and a movie - The whole date instead of the beginning 
of one.
r. MTV News is no longer your primary source for information.
s. You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not 
condoms and home pregnancy tests.
t. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
u. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
v. Grocery lists are longer than Macaroni & Cheese, Diet Pepsi, 
and Ding Dongs.
w. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never 
going to drink that much again."
x. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for 
"real" work.
y. You don't drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
z. You read this entire list looking for just one sign that doesn't 
apply to you — and fail.